Affinity and Moods

After nearly two decades of marriage, I’ve realised something about myself – I’m not the “housework-loving” type, however much I try. Reflecting on it, I see that all these years I’ve really been functioning more like the operations manager of the home 😄. And though I developed my own style around it, I didn’t really invent the philosophy. I merely inherited the franchise and refined the model along the way.

In my early years of marriage, my mother-in-law, a science graduate, a former RBI -employee turned home-maker, avid reader and a teacher, would often say she disliked spending endless hours in the kitchen or doing unnecessary chores. Though she cooked twice a day, she believed time and energy should be used wisely: finish the essential work through proper planning, leave some tasks to the maid, and move on with life.

That perspective resonated deeply with me, for it matched my own philosophy, almost like inherited wisdom in action.

Years later, when we moved abroad and I took charge of the household, I naturally built my kitchen the same way, as a system, not a sacrifice.

So, my role gradually evolved into a comfortable kitchen routine with a defined structure and gentle boundaries, which looked like this:

• I plan groceries and keep essentials stocked.

• During the initial years, I reworked traditional gravies, and prepared custom spice blends (masalas) tailored to each gravy or sabzi after careful research, improving their nutritional value by replacing less suitable elements with healthier alternatives. I also simplified certain traditional cooking methods to save time while keeping the taste loved by everyone. Now my methods are more or less set, and I prepare these customised blends in advance and store them in the freezer so meals can be put together quickly by anyone.

• Recipes came from everywhere: my MIL’s foundation dishes, my mother’s specialties, my sister-in-law and relatives’ festive preparations, and eventually my own experiments adjusted to each person’s health needs.

• Repetitive tasks like cleaning, cutting vegetables and managing laundry go to the house help because my energy is better spent organising the flow than exhausting it on routine. The remaining time is for growing professionally, doing what I enjoy, and being present in my daughter’s learning.

• Daily deep cleaning isn’t my pursuit unless there’s a guest, function or pooja. The maid manages the everyday upkeep, and I’ve come to accept that a child grows in her own time.

• The maid has her own rhythm and we rarely interfere; respect creates smooth functioning both ways. I’ve learnt that gently guiding the house help, over time with trust and comfort, into the requirements of the household, builds lasting loyalty and support.

• Meals are planned keeping the following morning’s rush in mind, so everyone can comfortably carry lunch from home.

• I usually stay with routine daily cooking, simple, safe and healthy for everyone, with occasional special dishes, while the spontaneous experiments are happily left to my husband, who patiently turns them into his signature delicacies. Overall, our meals are shaped around a range of health-friendly ingredients. Over the years, we’ve quietly built and followed healthy food habits as a family.

For me, a good kitchen is not one person’s territory. In our home, it’s shared between me, my husband, the maid and sometimes our teenager.

I believe a home works best when there is a place for everything and a shared understanding of how things function, whether it’s the grocery storage, food habits or recipes.

Our kitchen is a system where my husband can cook without confusion whenever he wishes or a need arises, the maid knows exactly what goes where (and sometimes even adds part of the recipe herself, having learnt it just by watching me over time), and the child confidently makes her snack experiments like comfort style healthy pizza, pasta, sandwiches, noodles (after homework negotiations 😅).

Over time I’ve noticed that when systems exist, people naturally cooperate, daily life simply becomes easier and more enjoyable, and the home feels lighter for everyone.

Groceries of every kind may fill the cabinets, but meals are cooked thoughtfully with each person’s needs in mind. And on some days, we happily order food and enjoy it together because sometimes the real nourishment is the shared moment.

There have also been phases when we needed extra help and happily hired cooks for extended periods of times, sometimes months or even years. But I’ve come to realise that long-term dependence brings its own compromises, fixed tastes, limited flexibility and unnecessary wastage. So over time I’ve learnt to find a more balanced arrangement.

So no, I may not be the traditional homemaker stirring pots all day…
But I make sure the home runs intelligently, calmly and consistently.

And honestly, that too is a form of care.

Just curious – Do you run your home on systems too? What works for you? I’d love to know 🙂.